I was jolted back to reality by the notion that the man in the white jacket was still speaking. To me, to us actually. His lips were moving and large complicated words were tumbling out. He had a black book also — to explain in giant color pictures all the details that we were obviously missing in his careful diagnosis. Slowly turning the pages to elucidate the situation. Had there been a mirror in the room quite certainly I would have seen a smattering of question marks spilling over my face and down the front of my clothes.

Meanwhile, I was sensing multiple opportunities for us to contribute to his beach house being erected on an (as yet) unnamed exotic island that he is purchasing in the near future. Along with a jet black Maserati he may want in a few years as he approaches his mid-thirties.

The anxiety set in prior to his arrival as we waited patiently in the sterile room we were assigned. Glancing over the numerous framed certificates from several top-notch universities and vet schools I concluded that he probably finished paying off those bills and is moving on to the fun stuff.

Oh yes, he’s still talking but all I can hear is a very loud:  cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. Then, from the other side of my brain I’m picking up a signal from the top of Everest. It’s echoing back and forth and sounds a lot like the words….I TOLD YOU SO, DIDN’T I WARN YOU, BIG DOGS, KNEE PROBLEMS….so between the cha-chinging and everything else no wonder the vet calmly ends his explanation and says – do you have any questions?

Of course.

Starting with the obvious one. HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY? Any there any discounts for extra cute large dogs? Which bill would you expect to last the longest – yours or my mortgage payments? Should I cancel my cable and phone now or wait until later? Do I need the Rosetta Stone program to learn the doggie language of your former patients? Most of whom I would love to assume are still living? What would they say about you as a vet? He sleeps twenty hours a day so is this really necessary? Really? Really? Were you just joking about the physical therapy in the pool and on the doggie treadmill?

In that short visit it seemed getting an estimate on your dogs knees isn’t far off from an estimate of putting an addition on the house. Both are not exactly firm and subject to change at the speed of sound.

If it wasn’t for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.